Intergalactic Mermaid

 

I have mermaid eyes
and an intergalactic brain
I live in two different worlds
I am two people
but don't call the doctors just yet
These pills handle just fine
Inside my mind are stars and planets
Behind my eyes are oceans so vast it makes you dizzy
I prefer my hair tangled and my jeans ripped
I can never hold down a friend
I'm too weird
But please, don't give up hope just yet
Just shoot me into your skin
I can be your heroine
We can space travel
Hop from Venus to Mars
Swim with the sharks
Or sleep on the coral
I have mermaid eyes
and an intergalactic brain.

Written: Dec. 29th 2011

Witching Hour

 

No, wait
let me light a cigarette and start again...

When the witching hour hits my home
and my love turns in for bed
the demons and the ghosts they roam
and find a place inside my head

Once more;

I am calm and alive
But only alive in the purest sense of the word
As in I am still breathing and moving and thinking
oh, how i think
up every night till 3 or 4 am
i have to wait for my eyes to cry and beg to be closed shut
when i am awake and my fingers are busy
and my brain is distracted
i can breathe and talk and work
but as soon as i lay my head down on those soft pillows
my brain awakes in the worst way
horrible flashes from my past
secrets i carry to my grave
i always tell myself that if someone ever asks me the right question
or approaches these horrible subjects in the right light
i will spill my heart out
but that is a facade
i can only empty my thoughts onto paper
or into this keyboard

my life has turned around drastically in the past year
but why did i have to go through all that turmoil
all that pain
and hurt
and abandonment?
circles
my life is circles
i go 'round and 'round
and nothing seems to get solved
because here i am again, at 2 am
waiting for my eyes to shut  

Written: Nov. 22nd 2011

Polar Flaws

I want someone to love me for my flaws
Not my accomplishments
Because flaws are so much more real
And honest
You can't fake flaws
The clouds hang heavy above me filled with snow
The air is chill against my skin
But light and crisp
My wrist aches with regret
My heart is filled with joy
Such polar opposites
But I have it down to a science
My words have come so freely lately
I wonder if it's a blessing or a curse
Writing poems outside on the street
Cigarette hanging from the side of my lips
Writing poems while you fall asleep and I trace the curve of your body
Why can't everything be as simple as these one liners?

Written: Nov. 16th 2010.

Veteren Bees

Been living out of a bag for almost a week;
Same three shirts, same pair of ripped jeans.
But that's how the best adventures come around.
Not that I was looking for one,
Although I never really do.
I am the pollen,
And the bees are busy this season.
But there's never enough to go around,
So I'll choose you because you awoke my heart
From its deep slumber.
Sorry honey, that I'm so scared,
I'm a veteran of love,
And I don't want a world war 3.
But I'll put my faith in you and maybe put my heart in your scarred, calloused hands.
Don't squeeze too hard,
Because some nights I close my eyes and hear the bombs go off,
And the fire blinds me and illuminates the scars from previous bullets.
But when I fall asleep with you tucked in behind me,
The war ends,
And I stretch out my toes trying to reach yours,
Reassurance.
We sat on your front steps,
Cigarettes smoldering between our fingers;
"I will never fuck you over."
That's what they all say, but I'll listen this time.
I'll listen.

Written: Nov. 12th 2010

Fire in the Second Row

Welcome to the sea of hypocrites,
And I can be the underwater queen.
Or the kingdom of fakes,
Where masks and scars are all we need.
Just let me drink that liquid courage,
The magic bottle,
And perhaps I'll shrink,
Or grow,
It's quite unpredictable.
I've dodged the rain,
One step ahead at all times,
But the black clouds still reach me,
Whether I get wet or not.
Take that as you will.
A man sits on the bus with his eyes closed,
His seeing eye dog keeps his feet warm,
His smile makes my heart hurt.
I listen to old jazz music,
The bar is dimly lit,
The microphone stands under the only spotlight,
"Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me"
I tap dance across a New York street,
A man spins me around in a tuxedo,
A martini in my hand,
A cigarette in the other.
Oh, how lovely.
But crash and burn,
Crash and burn.
And now I have to leave,
Can't be left alone anymore,
Crash and burn.
"Lady Peaceful
Lady Happy
That's what I long to be"

Written: July 31st 2010.
(Lyrics in quotations from Maybe This Time from Cabaret)

One, Two, Let Me Explain

Alright, slow down, let me explain;
it started with two,
two people,
two years,
two hearts,
now it's one.
Just one;
one room filled with boxes of books,
one girl sitting on her floor,
one dog following her around,
one huge sigh whenever she tries to clean,
because it seems impossible.
There's too much stuff.
There's one mom upstairs,
who speaks quietly and timidly,
one mom not wanting to frighten the girl,
who seems so broken and small.
One best friend,
who calls every few hours to make sure the girl is okay,
and takes her out for drives and drinks.
There's one smoking habit,
that never quite quit.
One long list of things to do.
But now this one,
does not want to become two,
because she is learning,
that one may be the loneliest number,
but can also be the best.

Written: July 18th 2010.

Secret Window Secret Addiction

Half eaten meals and empty cigarette packs crowd the table Dirty clothes and empty bottles litter the floor  I swear I'm not a wreck  I just look like one Regrets from the past Don't look so bad When you drink a little vodka
and let time pass Thunder in the distance and a wind that chills me to the bone I've been cold all day Saggy hat, saggy sweater, maybe I'm just trying to hide Nothing to do Except so much
but what can I do Cigarette butts stick out from the cracks Much like weeds begging for sun I just want to talk and dance and drink
but it's getting later and later What to do  What to do I'm covered in bruises and cuts Where do they come from I can't remember I don't let myself remember much these days It's easier that way Forgot my own phone number  Forgot my lighter Forgot my pay check at work Forgot how to love so I decided not to try I smell like shampoo and smoke Maybe it should just rain and stop threatening   Written: Aug. 28th 2010.