Saturday, September 29, 2012

Cracks in Pavements and Migrating Whales



The cities' lights bare down upon my shoulders
Noises creep in through the open window tearing at my ear drums
The buildings, they are so tall
And I am just a crack in the pavement
Meant for walking over and to be used as shelter for weeds
I'm a nervous wreck
I'm a nervous wreck
My mind ticks and ticks like a time bomb
But I have lost the countdown
My stomach twists and turns and clenches
I cry out from the anxiety
But I am always so mute
No one hears
But no one was meant to
I am a suicidal cat, but don't worry, I still have eight of my nine lives left
I am a landslide with no injuries but my own
And oh, what a beautiful disaster I can be
I'm a nervous wreck
I'm a nervous wreck
Popping pills to counteract the chemicals to counteract the tears
This battle is one I have fought alone for so long
A trench war inside my brain
And my heart
Perhaps I keep myself sick in the head because I don't know anything else
My entire world is the sickness inside of me
What if I can't let that go?
My words are my shield and my sword
I can hide behind them
Is there a sick girl typing on this keyboard?
Or a poet longing for their next cigarette?
Maybe a writer planning their next climax
Or even a child lost inside their own fantasy world
Make believe ain't so bad
I'm a nervous wreck
Oh, I'm a nervous wreck
Home is nowhere but where tired eyes can rest
Where aching limbs can be still
It's south where the birds fly
The migration pattern of whales
How can a mime cry out for help?
I practice my lines in the mirror every morning
I'm just looking for a release that doesn't involve fresh skin or tears
My watch continues to circle and my mind shuts off
But moments like these I feel as though I may explode
"You just need to find a way to cope."
What do you know?
Keep swallowing that medicine, those vitamins, keep talking, keep going
You believe in quick fixes and goals
I believe in the smell before rain
The first inhale of a cigarette
Shooting stars
Kisses under blankets
I am crashing waves
Isn't it tragic?
 
Written: Nov. 7th 2012.

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